We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
