there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
