My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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