Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
