You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The uberlube is also flammable
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
