i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
