so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
