Pants 0. Shit 1.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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