oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
