i just wanna soil my oats bro
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
