we're blogging at a bar
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
