I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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