Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
