her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
