Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
