just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
