I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
