If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
