I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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