So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
