Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My life is pants optional.
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