O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
