if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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