seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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