there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
