Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
