I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
