Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
