Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
