Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
