dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
