im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
