I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
