There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
