I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
