I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
