I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
