it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
