just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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