I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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