It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
