OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
