Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
