I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
