Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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