Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
