After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
