shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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