i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
