and you said cock pushups were impossible
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
