She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
