I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
