i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
