I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This is the high leading the old right now
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
