I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
