you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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