So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
