I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
